"Guests are prohibited from talking around in the lobby in large groups in the nude."
-Havana hotel

"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
-Moscow hotel

"It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner is dressed as a man."
-Seville cathedral

"Visitors two to a bed and half an hour only."
-Barcelona hospital

"All customers promptly executed."
-Tokyo barbershop

"We highly recommend the hotel tart."
-Torremolinos hotel

"I slaughter myself twice daily."
-Israel butcher shop

Because of the impropriety of entertaining persons of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is requested that the lobby be used for this purpose."
-Colon restaurant

"All vegetables in this establishment have been washed in water especially passed by the management."
-Sri Lanka restaurant

"Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors."
-Zanibar barbershop

"Very smart! Almost pansy!"
-Budapest shop

"Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the savior."
-French swimming pool

"Dresses for street walking."
-Paris dress shop

"Go away."
-Barcelona travel agency

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BGM: Santana feat. Rob Thomas - Smooth